Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
