It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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