My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You may now shotgun with the bride
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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