i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
