Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
