Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
