i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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