i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
