Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
