i just had sex bonerless
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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