no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
