i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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