I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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