I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
