the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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