Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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