i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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