i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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