just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
