There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
