TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
