i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
