Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
