Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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