Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have post one night stand depression
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