dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
