Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
