I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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