I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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