He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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