why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
