Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
