You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
