I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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