he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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