Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
