Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
