i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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