the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She needs sedatives and a leash
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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