I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
