It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
