im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
