Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
