she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
