I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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