i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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