Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
