Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
