how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
