I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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