i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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