Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
