I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
